Match Game
by Lushcoltrane
Summary: Tori and Jade watch a classic TV game show.


Disclaimer: _Victorious_ and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. _Match Game_ is owned by Mark Goodson-Bill Todman Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Tori and Jade watch a classic TV game show.

* * *

"Jade, you said you were going to help me!" Tori complained from the kitchen.

"Yeah, in a minute…" Jade replied half-heartedly from the couch. She waved the wireless controller, "Playing a game…"

"The game isn't even on," Tori whined.

"Oh… Yeah... Well…"

"Help me!"

Before Jade could reply, the doorbell rang. "Oh, my Kung Pao Chicken is here!"

Jade opened the door and traded food for cash with the delivery girl.

"I'm cooking dinner, Jade!"

"Yeah…that's not gonna happen," Jade replied as she took her change then quickly figured the tip.

"But…"

"Vega, you can burn water!"

"No, that's impossible. You know… I can so cook. And I… Shut up!"

"Then I can't tell you I got you an order of Cashew Chicken with an egg roll."

"Aah, you did?"

As Tori reached for the bag Jade held, she pulled the bag back, "Bu…bu…bu…but…"

"But what?"

"That is the last whine of the night!"

"I don't whine," Tori whined.

"Okay, no chicken for you. Now I have lunch tomorrow…"

"NO! No, no… I'll… No more whining."

"Remember Vega, with my blades, I can still get the food back if there's an after-dinner whine…"

"Ugh, that's so gross! Gimme," Tori demanded, hands held out as she wiggled her fingers.

"Get plates. And napkins."

"You want a fork or…"

"No, Vega, I'm coordinated enough to use the chopsticks."

"I can use chopsticks too!"

"Do I hear a whine?"

"NO! No whine! Just…just hunger…"

"Get that skinny ass over here. Uhh… Vega? With the plates!" Tori stopped and trotted back to the kitchen.

Jade picked up the remote and started changing channels as she used her other hand to feed herself. Tori used one hand to hold her plate below her chin while using her chopsticks to eat her meal.

Seeing Tori spilling rice back on her plate from the corner of her eye, Jade said, "You're not that much of a spazz, Vega. You handle the sticks when we're at Nozu. Even you don't need those spring-loaded, practice chopsticks."

"Sushi is easy. It's a whole thingie. It's all pressed together. This rice is loose and…"

Jade sighed as she set her plate down. She placed her hands on Tori's shoulders and said, "Turn."

Tori now had her back to Jade who reached around her and took the hand with the chopsticks in hers, "Here. Watch how I move your fingers to get the rice with the chicken and cashews/"

Tori happily followed Jade's instructions and managed to get several mouthfuls of food without too much rice falling back to the plate.

"Got it? Good."

Jade turned back to the TV as she picked up her plate. Then the remote to continue to find something to watch. She hit the Game Show Network and stopped.

"Jade? Why did you stop on an old game show?"

"I don't know."

"I mean, _Match Game '74_ was popular when our parents were in grade school."

"I don't know. Seems like I was there… Never mind. There's just something about Brett Somers. She was Jack Klugman's real-life wife and played Oscar's ex-wife, Blanche, on the old _The Odd Couple_ show."

"Yeah, I can see why you identify with her. Both of you have machetes for tongues…" Tori said with an innocent smile. "And check out some of those outfits! They're so retro now."

"No duh, Vega. This show is forty years old."

On the TV, Gene Rayburn, the show's long-time host, confronted Charles Nelson Reilly about his blue shirt "Charles you've got your shirt on inside-out. All the seams are showing…"

"No…good. It's a French, seam-showing, sailor's shirt," the celeb stated, puffing on his pipe.

After some back and forth, Gene went back to the contestants, pulled the question (A or B) the player requested and read, "Dumb Dora is _so _dumb!"

As one, the celebrity panel and the studio audience yelled, "How dumb was she?!"

"She's so dumb, She sent her cultured pearls to _Blank_!"

After the celebrities wrote their answers, the contestant said, "School."

Ed Asner showed his card, "College." Brett Somers showed the same answer. Charles Nelson Reilly, in a very butch voice, said, "I have a lot in common with him cause I'm very into athlet…athletics and…"

"Oh man! I can't believe they said that on TV then…"

"Hush, Vega."

Reilly showed his answer, "Scuba diving school."

After some argument, it was a match. Then the next two said "Finishing school" but didn't match. Richard Dawson started a mini-game show riot. His argument was college was accepted and scuba school was but finishing and night school, Patti Deutsche's answer, were not.

The show went to commercial. Jade said, "You know, this show is pretty stupid."

"But it is funny," Tori countered.

"Well… Yeah."

The show came back with Reilly laying on the short stairs between the celebrity section and the contestants. Brett Somers stood over him with several of the small 5x7 blue cards used by the celebrities for their answers.

"Charles!" Rayburn said. "Now what is this going on?"

Brett came down and held one of the cards, "First victim of school riot." She dropped that card on Reilly and held the second one, "Man with shirt inside out." That card fell and the next one was held over him, "Found on school steps."

The audience cheered and Reilly and Somers returned to their places as Rayburn threw the cards, now crumpled up, at them with a laugh.

As the show went on, Tori had a thoughtful look on her face as she got clumsy with her sticks and rice dribbled across her shirt.

"VEGA!"

Tori's head jerked and she dropped some more cashew chicken on her shirt, "What?!"

"You got food all over you. And I'm not that into rice."

"You know, you get flirty when you eat Chinese."

"Must be the MSG. So what had you spazzing this time?"

"I wasn't spazzing… That's not a nice thing to say… I don't… Shut up!"

"Wow! Two rambles in one night. I think that's a personal best for you, Vega!"

Tori glared at her then got up. In the kitchen, she wiped off her shirt then grabbed a fork. She sat back down, pointedly not looking at Jade's smirking face, and resumed eating.

"Vega? Why were you in the ozone?"

"Huh?"

"The ozone? Head in the clouds?"

"Well, I was thinking about the thing we have to do… The one-act?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we could do a _Match Game_ kinda thing."

"Go on."

"Well, we could have Andre first, doing a Nipsey Russell riff. Then you in a bad wig and big glasses doing Brett Somers. Robbie as Charles Nelson Reilly. On the lower tier, maybe Cat as…whoever. Then Beck with a bad British accent and I could be in the last spot."

Jade thought for a minute. "No."

"No? What? You don't want to do it? Or be Brett?"

"No. You're not a celebrity. You'll be the contestant during the Super Match."

"Aaaah…"

"No whining!"

Tori pouted for a few minutes, even as the first _Match Game_ ended and another, later one began, from 1979.

William Shatner was in the first chair on the upper level and Dick Martin was in the middle on the lower level. The last celebrity introduced was Betty White. Tori sat up, saying, "Look how young Betty White is!"

"Again, I say, 'No duh!' This one is only about thirty-five years old though."

Tori stuck out her tongue then the contestants were introduced.

"Oh my God! That's Kirstie Alley!"

Jade leaned towards the TV and nodded, "You're right! She was the hottest half-Vulcan/half-Romulan in the Trek movies."

"Trek movies? Jade West watches _Star Trek_?"

"I don't just do horror, Vega."

"Talk some Trek."

"Huh?"

"Talk some Trek stuff."

"I'm not a geek, Vega. I don't know the shows that well. Anyway, not everyone who watches the show has a Klingon-English Dictionary like Shapiro."

"So, if I could search your room, I wouldn't find a Klingon dictionary?"

Jade just rolled her eyes.

Sitting back, satisfied, Tori smiled. Then, finally, she asked, "So I'd be the contestant?"

"Wha…? Oh. Yeah."

"Can I wear some really dated, flowery dress?"

"Actually, I was thinking a flowery blouse and bell bottoms."

Tori smiled at that, "Cool."

"You know Vega, I think you have a good idea there."

Tori smiled wider as she stared at Jade. "You know, Jade, Mom and Dad won't be home for a while."

"Your point?"

"Wanna fool around?"

"Guess the MSG works on you too."

"No, you do."

"Flatterer."

They stood and took each other's hands. At the base of the stairs, Jade stopped, Taking an exaggerated sniff, she asked, "What the hell is that? Smells like burning pennies."

"When did you cook pennies?"

"When I was a kid, I'd toss hot pennies out the second floor windows to kids in the school playground. Until I got caught."

"God, how did you ever stay out of juvie?"

Jade ignored the question and glanced towards the kitchen.

"Vega, the pot's on fire!"

"WHAT?!"

They raced to the kitchen.

The copper-bottomed pot Tori had put on the gas burner had boiled dry and the copper base was burning, generating an oddly beautiful green flame. Jade grabbed two pot holders and grabbed the handle, which was soft from the heat, and threw it into the sink. The crash of a couple of plates resounded through the kitchen.

"See You did burn the water!"

"No. It boiled away… You got the food and… And I didn't _burn_… Shut up!"

"Three for three, Vega!" Jade laughed.

* * *

Note: Inspired by the game show sequence in _April Fool's Blank_ (season 3, episode 9). That entire episode is not canon but I thought it would be fun to have Jade feel some connection to Brett Somers. The two sequences from _Match Game_ were from actual episodes I found on Youtube, in case anyone is interested.


End file.
